Archives: December 2009

Since I have yet to get a clear description of what my job is, “work” of any kind is challenging. Add the cats, the phone, the person who can’t find his gloves and my wish to be doing absolutely anything else and it a total lost cause.

I rue the day I sent a resume in for this job. Now I’m stuck and I can’t find a way out.

There are a lot of little things about this job that bug me:

• the pay (minimum wage)
• the distance (12 miles through the city and 24 on the highway each on a 15 year old car that slurps up oil like a writer downs coffee)
• the utter lack of clear duties and responsibilities
• the fact I’m not gaining anything from the experience
• coming out with less money at the end of the week than if I was getting unemployment (because of car maintenance and gas)
• the fact this job has no future at all
• the absurd crap about being the technical person

Altogether those are annoying enough… but none of that is what is really bothering me.

I can’t quite put my finger on what the real issue something is telling me this is just not where I should be. I feel like I’m being pushed down stream. Maybe it is just the whole bit about having to take the job that bugs me; after all no one likes situations where they have no choices.

I made the Honor Roll at school again. Yeah for me! It does leave me wondering, why I can’t translate that into workplace success? Maybe everyone gets all A’s. I don’t think so then it would be silly. I work really hard trying to do a good job and learn everything I can from my classes. I do see that sometimes others don’t. I do the same thing at work too. I’m not a people person I know that causes me some problems.

Again, I find myself wondering where I could apply to gain some insight and experience in the field I want to work in? And in the mean time isn’t there something closer to my house I can earn slaves wages at?

I am so tired of being broke, and so sick of feeling helpless. I want to go the grocery store and buy whatever I want as long as it is what I think is healthy for my family! I want to be able to make my house a nice place to live. I’d like to be able to buy some new clothes once in a while. I’d like to not always be wondering how the bills will get paid next months and have a little nest egg in the bank. Just ordinary stuff most people take for granted. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think most people think of buying their kid winter boots as a major purchase.

Now that I’ve alienated and annoyed just about anyone who cares about my plight today including my cats, I guess I’ll go see if I can mend some fences.

POST SCRIPT: This day would have been my 18th wedding anniversy, may have been a little grumpy for that.

My son liked his warm socks.

We had fun. Our family is full of lunatics.

My sister is here! The baby is so cute! She has chubby cheeks and a sweet little smile!

I hope everyone everywhere has a Warm and Blessed holiday, no matter what you celebrate. Take time to remember your blessings and tell your loved ones how you feel.

I’m going stop short of wishing everyone a happy holiday, due to this week’s tragedy at my son’s school. –The short version: Wednesday two students were hit by an Amtrak train on their way to school. One was killed and the other is in critical condition at a local hospital- It was just a little too close to home. Aaron walks over those tracks everyday, he was probably 5 to 10 minutes ahead of the kids in the accident. My nieces also attend Springfield and the younger one seems shaken.

I’m usually a Grinch anyway, I did not put up an decorations. In fact I gave the tree to Goodwill, it was pretty flimsy and I think the cats would have only made a mess of it.

I’ve been sorting through a lot of stuff to get ready for moving in with my mom. That is not as depressing as you might think; it feels like dumping dead weight in a way. Sometimes “things” are just weighing you down. Why keep things I don’t need or use?

My hope is to be able to pare it down to a point where I don’t have to pay to store anything. I’ve been through that before and it really isn’t worth it for the most part. I don’t know if I’ll be able to work it down to nothing to store, there is some furniture I do want and my mom’s house already has way too much furniture in it.

What is depressing me is that I’m nearly forty and I can’t take of myself. I made the honor roll again. I don’t understand why I can’t find a way to make a reasonable living for myself. It’s not just the current job market I’ve never really been good at finding work.

Also Legal Aid said they can’t help me, I do meet the income requirements but since there are no minor children and no domestic violence they can’t help me. I understand they only have so many resources and other people have worse domestic problems. It’s just I got it in my head if I could just take care of that old business things would start to turn around for me. As if by some sort of magical thing if I cut ties to the past the future would find me. Yeah I know…

On the very happy side my sister and her family are coming to visit. I’ve been missing them so much! I can hardly wait to meet baby Veronica!

Anyway everyone have a Warm & Blessed Holiday!

I think I got a good grade in 2D design, but have no idea about digital imaging. We didn’t turn anything in until the exam, and the exam portion was canceled. A little further down the road to my career goal.

For now I have to start worrying about the rest of my life. The house, the bills and all that good stuff.

The Holidays feel a bit bleak this year. My son is probably getting wool socks, he likes wool socks, but I have no money to get him anything else. On the bright side my sister and her family are coming Christmas day. My son asked for a copy of Grammie’s Sand Tart cookie recipe, he says he is going to make a batch. I advised him to cut the recipe in half that dough is crazy stiff. I will make some rolls and quick breads. I have the flour, the time and I like baking… so why not?

I suppose I should get to work on something… anything… don’t know what but seems like there are a million things that need doing.